This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Enjoy the penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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