just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
