If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
