Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
