awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
