we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
