I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
