You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
