Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just threw up on my dentist
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
