Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
