he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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