just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
