just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
