He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
