i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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