I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
