I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
