Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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