i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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