im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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