Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
