I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
