this beer tastes like vomit already
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
