I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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