Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
