Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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