Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
