If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
