did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
