I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
