I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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