Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
