That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
