I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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