I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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