the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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