So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
