thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
