dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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