I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
