My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
