life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
