a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
