I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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