hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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