i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
