Small penises have feelings too.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
