shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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