I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
