some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My balls are so social today.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
