nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
